Love is the alchemy which can transform desire into ecstasy. When lovers enter sex, they should be in a meditative or prayerful state. If they are in the state of anxiety, they should either meditate together, offer prayer together or dance together, before entering sex. This will transform the whole act of sex and energy will begin to rise to heart and third eye chakra, enhancing love, intuition and intelligence. Such a simple understanding can cause them to “Rise in Love” instead of “Falling in Love”. Such a sex act becomes highly orgasmic and blissful and awakens gratitude for each other.
In this current series “Man woman Relationships: From Conflict to Celebration”, they attempt to articulate the essential conflict between man and woman and highlight the polarity between them to ultimately synthesize those polarities into a divine union. This article “Rising in Love v/s Falling in Love” is the fourth interaction in this series. Do check out their first three interactions namely “Man Woman Relationships: From Agony to Ecstasy“, “Man Woman Relationships: Synthesis of Love and Adventure”, and “Man Woman Relationships: Enhancing Self Esteem”.
Mansi: In our last interaction, you had pointed out that love and intimacy go a long way towards increasing your self esteem. Intuitively, I feel that love and intimacy should increase with time in a relationship but in real life, it seems to decrease as a function of time when the initial excitement and unpredictability of the relationship declines. What do you think?
Osho Shivo: With time, bondage develops in marriage. Partners tend to have a feeling, “I know him / her well” and hence the sense of wonder is diffused. Possession is the main culprit here, as it reduces the other as “Just a Utility”. Since both begin to not just depend but also get enslaved at times, they begin to dislike themselves. This sad phenomenon comes into existence because of a wrong understanding of love. In a relationship, we tend to believe that the other loves me or should love me and so that makes me a slave to him / her. If we can understand a relationship as a phenomenon, which enhances the love within, there would be freedom in such a relationship and we are likely to experience deeper intimacy with time.
Mansi: It is probably very natural to want to possess what you love but ironically in doing so, you destroy the very thing you loved about a person or maybe destroy the person itself. Freedom seems to be an antidote to this possession but can you elaborate on the kind of freedom you are talking about.
Osho Shivo: Normally, lovers swear their love to each other and try to make each other believe that. Such a love will always lead to possession. Simply because the love is coming from outside and we don’t want to become loveless, so we want to make sure that the source of love does not go away from us. This feeling becomes possession.
However, there is another form of love too wherein lovers help awaken the true love in each other. When we discover the love within ourselves, we are no more dependent on the other and hence we do not become possessive, as we know that we have nothing to lose even if the other goes away. Moreover, we have a deep sense of gratitude towards him / her as he / she helped us discover the love within ourselves. Such a love makes lovers free.
One may ask the question- how to determine if we are in the relationship based on possession or true love. There is a simple litmus test for that. If you miss each other when you are away from each other, but you don’t enjoy each other much when you are together, then it is possession. In true love, exactly the opposite thing happens, i.e. lovers enjoy each other too much when they are together, and don’t miss each other much when they are away from each other.
Mansi: Shivo, I think your litmus test is quite brilliant and applying it would help in distinguishing love from possession. So my next question would be, how can one help his / her lover to awaken the love within?
Osho Shivo: I have seen that people are hankering to get love and hence they become beggers. The key is to give the love and be like king / queen. If you focus on giving love, you would realize that there is so much love within and you would enjoy it too much and you would be thankful to your lover that he / she allowed you to love him. When you give love selflessly, it multiplies and come back. Normally, lovers are hankering to receive love and even when they pretend to give love; it is a strategy to receive love. If one feels the scarcity of love within, then he / she is trying to acquire love and in the process becomes the slave of his / her lover. Hence the key to experience the freedom in love is to feel the abundance of love within, as giving love becomes such a joyous experience.
Mansi: Shivo, so the real joy lies in giving love and being in gratitude towards your lover. Can you give us some practical methods to enhance love and intimacy in our relationships?
Osho Shivo: Tantrik sex is one of the most practical ways of awakening love which lovers can practice. Normally, stress is the force that leads to hankering of sex for men and insecurity plays the same role for woman. And that is why such a sex can enslave them, as it only deals with psychological and emotional lacuna. However, sex can also become a wonderful way to enhance love within them. Love is the alchemy which can transform desire into ecstasy. When lovers enter sex, they should be in a meditative or prayerful state. If they are in the state of anxiety, they should either meditate together, offer prayer together or dance together, before entering sex. This will transform the whole act of sex and energy will begin to rise to heart and third eye chakra, enhancing love, intuition and intelligence. Such a simple understanding can cause them to “Rise in Love” instead of “Falling in Love”. Such a sex act becomes highly orgasmic and blissful and awakens gratitude for each other.
Mansi : Shivo, thank you for that wonderful explanation for elevating sex from a physical need to spiritual bliss. Can you give us a specific technique that our readers can practice to get their first taste of the world of tantric sex.
Osho Shivo: Yes Mansi, I will be happy to share a few techniqes:
- Sit in front of each other and keep looking into each others eyes for long. Let your bodies sway if it wants to
- Hold your hands crossed and hum (Bhramari Pranayam) together, you can also keep your hands on each other’s heart chakra
- Dance together
- Sit in front of each other with folded hands kept on your heart chakra and bend towards each other in a way so that your third eye points are touching. Be in this state and breath in and out together.
- Hold each other’s hand in cross and inhale together with your shoulders moving up and then exhale together with shoulders dropping
- The man can sit with legs crossed and woman can sit in his lap with her legs around his waist and hold each other from the back with hands on each others heart chakra and feel the rising sex energy (This posture is described as MAHAMUDRA)
- Sit in mahamudra and feel the divine bliss showering on your heads and let it begin to move both of you in swirling motion.
Mansi: Thank you so much, Shivo. This is certainly a treasure trove of valuable information that can be applied by everyone to enhance intimacy in their relationships. Thank you as usual for your enlightening thoughts. I wish you love and blessings.
Osho Shivo: Thank you so much Mansi for providing me the opportunity to share these powerful insights and techniques. I have shared this with many couples and they have reported miraculous results. I truly hope that our interaction would turn out to be highly valuable in similar way and help the readers to live more lovingly & attain freedom.